I had a really hard day. And I didn’t do some things I’ve been taught to do on days like this. I didn’t call my closest friends. I didn’t journal. I didn’t pull up a Bible app on my phone and read from Psalms. I didn’t find a quiet place to meditate with my Jesus. Yeah, it was a hard day. Because I decided to do it on my own. The unfortunate climax (just in my head) arrived with the thought: just chuck it all and gimme some ice cream!
When I was getting ready for work this morning, I was listening to Thy Will Be Done (Hillary Scott & The Scott Family), thinking “Right! Yes! Your will be done!” By 9:30am I was thinking “%*#@$^!!!! MY WILL IS NOT BEING DONE!” Oops, too honest?
I was just about whimpering on the drive home. The dominant thought in my head (besides how slow people drive) was: I am grateful I don’t have to be alone on days like this. I know God was with me. (Still didn’t get my way… #pouty-face)
Days like today… I was tempted to stay down, throw in the towel, say the words out loud: “I can’t do it. I quit.” If I were completely honest about it, I would rephrase that: “I don’t want to do it. It’s harder than I want. I quit.”
On the miserable drive home, I was thinking how unfair and difficult life is sometimes. I was having a pity party (table for one?) It did not improve my mood. If this was Old Testament Exodus in the wilderness, it would have turned out badly for me. “Manna, again! For crying out loud!” I’m like that, sometimes. Pouty and whining.
In the midst of all the complaining and grumbling and idol-building, it seems Moses mostly stayed the course… even to the point of intervening for people like me: ingrates. See, Moses had been in the presence of God for 40 days and nights. His perspective was different than the crowd because he had seen God (kind of). Paul had a similar experience, with similar response.
Being in the presence of God reminds us Who we are enduring for. I lost sight of that today. Or, more accurately, I lost sight of Him today. I thought my agenda was more important than God’s agenda.
It isn’t necessary that you and I know all the things that each other must bear. But I bet we can both agree that we prefer our own burdens to the load we see someone else carrying. Maybe that’s because we were created for our specific burdens.
As the saying goes: I can choose to get bitter or I can choose to get better.
Things are unlikely to improve before the next work day begins. But I can improve my attitude. I will look to my Jesus and I will remember:
“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men” Colossians 3:23
I should have remembered that. Perhaps making it personal to me would help my memory:
“Whatever I do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for me”